I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
