Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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