upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
