All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
