Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize