I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize