I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
