Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
