Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
