We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
