I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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