I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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