im having a threesome with these popsicles
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
