you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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