I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
