what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
