remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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