look no pants
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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