I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
