not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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