I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
