Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
