I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
