is your mom at the bar?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think i have two assholes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize