Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
