He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
