I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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