i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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