So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
