She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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