so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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