Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
