im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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