I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
