nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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