Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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