When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
