how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
