fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
