I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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