I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
