He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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