lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize