Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
