Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
