i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
