all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize