she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
