Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
