Kiss
Puke
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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