i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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