this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize