So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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