Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
