you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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