I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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