Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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