im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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