SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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