When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
