If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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