The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
