Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
