I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
