I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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