i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
