You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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