now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize