It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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