her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
