Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
