They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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