so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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