I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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