duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
