i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
