nut hugger
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
