I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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