If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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