I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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