Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize