Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
