My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she peed on how many people?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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