I'm really into asian looking animals
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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