Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
