He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
