You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
