She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
