I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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