Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Alive.
So much puke
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
