Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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