he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
