I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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