Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
