so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
