I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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