You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
