Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
