not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
