gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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