He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
