I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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