Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
