Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
