i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize