you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
