I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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