i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
