Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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