fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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