he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
