so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
