this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
