that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
