Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you never un-have a 4some
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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