there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
