youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
