"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
