I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize