i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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